The truth they never wanted me to say out loud
What really happens when you stop obeying, start asking questions, and refuse to stay silent.
There was a time in my life when staying quiet felt like the only safe option. After years of being misdiagnosed, medicated, hospitalized, labeled, and dismissed, I learned that telling the truth could cost me everything. And for a long time, it did. I learned to bite my tongue because speaking openly made people uncomfortable. But over time the cost of silence became bigger than the cost of honesty.
Silence chipped away at my mental health. Silence made me physically sick. Silence shut down my intuition and made me doubt myself. And the more I tried to suppress what I knew, the worse I felt. Back then I believed the pain meant something was wrong with me.
Today I understand the pain was coming from the world I was finally starting to see clearly.
People see me now, driving a van across the country with my fiancé, running my businesses, talking about sovereignty, consciousness, and freedom. They see ease and clarity and calm. What they do not see is what came before all of that. The unraveling. The collapse. The absolute psychological and spiritual free fall that forced me to question every belief system I ever belonged to.
My religious deconstruction collided with burnout, divorce, and the mental health crisis that almost swallowed me whole. I was hospitalized four times against my will between 2018 and 2020. I was handed diagnoses that made no sense and pills that flatlined my spirit. I was told I was broken. I was told I had a lifelong disease. I was told I would need medication until I died.
Nobody asked about trauma. Nobody asked about nutrition or toxins or burnout. Nobody asked about the overwhelming cognitive dissonance of believing a loving God would torture you forever for asking the “wrong” questions. Nobody cared that the fear of hell was eating me alive. And nobody, not once, asked, “Are you sure this isn’t an awakening?”
It turns out that is exactly what it was.
Everything began to shift when I started questioning the structures around me. Religion. Money. Government. Medicine. Food. Science. Every institution we are told to trust. Every topic we are told not to touch. Every place where curiosity is treated like rebellion. What I found behind each curtain was the same thing. Control.
The more I deconstructed Christianity, the more I saw how deeply fear had been woven into its teachings. Fear of hell. Fear of sin. Fear of disappointing God. Fear of questioning doctrine. And then I learned about the Roman Empire and the role it played in rewriting Jesus’ message into something more useful for controlling an empire. That discovery alone could take up an entire book.
Before we go deeper, this is where I pause and tell you something important.