Bringing Forth What is Within Me
Filming Mental Hell, speaking truth to my dad, and why self-approval beats everyone else’s every time
Two weekends ago I flew from Portland to Austin, Texas to commence filming of Mental Hell with my awesome crew!
This is my first-ever feature length film, and I didn’t know what to expect, but I had such a great time!
Being on set, seeing such a professional crew do their thing without any hand-holding from me, was such a dream.
I even told the all-male crew, jokingly, “What woman wouldn’t love being surrounded by men who are doing what she wants?” Ha!
We were there to film Dr. Todd Phillips, a former megachurch pastor and deconstructed agnostic, and Paul Davis, attorney and now spiritual coach of many through his channel RealGoodNews on Instagram and TikTok.
After I flew home, the crew continued filming a few other short interviews with therapists in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.
What a rush!
I finally started introducing myself as a film producer to people, too.
Like, when people ask me what I do (which both of the people I sat next to on the plane to and from Texas did!), I now say, “I’m a film producer!”
It’s a great conversation starter. It seems people have immediate respect for someone who’s making an actual film. I can see why, too — it’s a ton of work!
The next filming block with the crew is actually a road trip from Seattle to Glacier National Park, taking place sometime next month. I’m super stoked for that, although it’s gonna be a lot of driving. Nothing I’m not used to, I reckon!
Taking myself seriously feels good. It’s not always been easy, especially with the fallout after my divorce and subsequent descent into the longest dark night of the soul I hope to ever experience, but now I see all of that as “training” for the exact work I’m doing now.
I wouldn’t be able to produce this film had I not experienced all of that turmoil. All of the vitriol, the shaming, the admonishing. So much of what I was sharing publicly on my Facebook back in that era is still aligned with what I believe now; I’m just way more confident about it than I was then.
And I don’t care nearly as much if someone disagrees.
Because, you see… the truth needs to be told, not defended.
I spoke to my dad on Father’s Day this past weekend, and most of what he wanted to talk about were my “religious” beliefs he’s been seeing on my Facebook stories.